I project managed my last breakup.

I've been a serial relationship hopper since I was 16 (that's 13 years!); I named it "Relationship Hopping Syndrome (RHS) haha. I got really good at love, and over time, subconsciously the key to my self worth was dependent on being loved by a partner.

I started to get curious about where this mindset came from and in Spring 2022, it dawned on me. Some backstory: My little brother was moving into Toronto and my mum shared with me that my stepdad will be flying over there to help him get settled in. She said that she has never been home alone and asked me to sleepover. I had a mirror moment where I realized that my mum, doesn't know how to be alone... and that behaviour has subconsciously impacted me. It was a wild epiphany. From that moment onward, everything changed.

Nugget 1 (by @artofbreathing): As I grow older, I'm learning to let go of resentment and understand that our parents are just loving us the only way they know how. When we realize that they are trying their best with the resources they have, it empowers us to make a choice to decide whether we want to do things differently or continue the cycle. One thing shared by @artofbreathing:

"In a way, I feel like the universe picked me as the cycle breaker of my family. I refuse to continue the unhealthy generational patterns of behavior. I've learned that friction is often a side effect to doing things differently and that change rarely comes easily or without conflict. But just because it's tough, it doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. I remind myself that my refusal to continue harmful behaviors is paving the way for a healthier way of being for the generations ahead"

When I learned that I am actually living out the pattern, it was both daunting and liberating, because one, I finally understood the source of where it came from (there is no blame here, it's more of an understanding piece), and I now have the insight to do things differently. I made the decision to learn how to be on my own - to learn what it's like to not be co-dependent. Don't get me wrong, dependence can be healthy, but not to the point where it defines your entire worth.

This was one of the core reasons why my past relationship didn't end up working out and as a hard as it was, I made the tough decision to be fully on my own and learn how to fully self sufficient. At the end of the day, we will be spending the most time with ourselves and it's important for us to know how to be in our own company and take care of ourselves.

During this entire process, I confided in a dear friend of mine about my break-up. He shared how his breakup had a timeline and it was thoughtfully planned. Their breakup was a collective experience where they reflected on everything that went well and mourned the things they will miss about eachother together. The shared the struggle of a break-up before the actual break up. This inspired me to do the same.

I had a 6 week timeline before I had to move out.

Week 1&2: The first weeks was mainly transitioning, and coming to acceptance that things will be different pretty soon. This was the hardest part.

Week 3&4: We decided that we would stop going on dates. There were moments where we shared the things we would miss most about one another. It was supportive - he even helped me find places to go

Week 5: Home hunting, starting to share with friends our transition

Week 6: I moved out.

Hands down, this was the healthiest shit I've ever done in my life. It was communicative, raw, amicable, supportive and loving. This was like no other break-up I've ever had. Some ask me: Was it harder or easier to do it your way vs separating ways right off the bat? The truth is- although it hurt a ton more in the moment, it helped me grow as a person and the tradeoff was worth it. What makes break-ups even harder is when both partners didn't do anything to hurt each other, it was simply having different vision and values for the next five years of where we wanted to go

Nugget 2 inspired by @artofbreathing_: Things can feel scary because it's unfamiliar, not because we're incapable. I'm proud of my emotional courage throughout this process. In my past relationships, I would've been in another relationship to numb the pain and feed my continuous cycle of looking for my worth in others, but this time I didn't. I broke the cycle and I am so damn proud of myself.

I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite books this past year:

"Change actually happens in tiny, incremental, momentary choices--one after the other, over and over, for the rest of time"